My Underwear Is One With the Universe

So I bought a pair of these today:

(click for link)

I thought they were just a nice pair of underwear -- very soft, a good nude color (Although it is apparently called "warm quartz." Because underwear that was a color called "nude"? Preposterous!) and I needed a little boy short thing for a couple of knit dresses I have that are not so forgiving of regular underpants -- VPLs, doncha know.

So, yeah, I thought they were just nice underwear, until I got home & examined the tag, which informed me proudly that my panties were made of bamboo. (Technically, they are 42% rayon from bamboo. Also 35% nylon, 18% cotton, and 5% spandex.) Bamboo! "Bamboo," the tag on my underwear tells me, "has been used in China for more than 5000 years. Before paper was invented, slips of bamboo were the most important writing medium, making bamboo an important part in the spread and development of Chinese culture."

My underpants have cultural significance!!!

And that's not all!! On another tag (yep -- one pair of shorts, TWO tags) I am informed that "Bamboo draws a fortunate, mystical & prosperous energy from the earth."

My underpants are filled with mystical energy!!! Who knew?!?! (Well, to be honest, that's not the first time I've heard that.)

Furthermore! Among other things, "This bamboo garment also:

"*drifts over skin & glides under clothing"
(Well, this makes me a little nervous. I don't really want my underpants drifting & gliding. I'd prefer them to stay put, thanksverymuch.)

AND

"*breathes well & possesses a mystical sheen"
(I hadn't noticed the mystical sheen, but perhaps I am just unenlightened. Perhaps they will look sheen-ier when they are mystically drifting over my ass.)

I gotta tell ya -- I'm really looking forward to wearing these things. These are, apparently, far and away the most powerful underpants I've ever owned. I fully expect to be able to communicate with animals and channel healing energy (via my butt, I guess -- this will make for very interesting sickbed visits) when I'm wearing them. I'll let you know -- first I have to wash them. I don't care how enlightened my panties are, they get washed before they come in contact with this gal's mystical properties.

An Obvious Lack of Female Copywriters

Okay, so I'm watching television Thursday evening and I see an advertisement for this little gizmo:

It's an under-the-bed shoe organizer. A perfectly serviceable idea -- a good idea, even, in some circumstances. But I noticed -- hey, there's only twelve pockets in that thing. That's only going to hold twelve pairs of shoes!

But, wait, there's more! the announcer informed me, and went on to explain that if you ordered now, you would receive TWO storage units for the price of one! "Use one for fall and winter shoes and the other for spring and summer!" the announcer urged me. "Enough storage for ALL your shoes!"

BWAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!!!!

::redhead wipes tears from the corners of her eyes::

Oh, jeez, that's a good one...





Photo: carolwrightgifts.com