Wherein Style Spy Wonders If There Is A Support Group for People Like Her

You know what takes up too dingdong much of my time? Sorting through tights & pantyhose.

Style Spy's tights-&-hose drawer, which is also my gloves drawer. Have we talked yet about my accessory compulsion?

Seriously. Every other item of clothing I own I can just grab from its resting place in drawer or on hanger and throw it on & go. But with tights & pantyhose there's the unrolling, then the careful feeding of the hand through the leg to check for runs and things, then the putting on... If you're like me, your tights & hose break down into categories:

1: Suitable for wear, no reservations
2: Suitable for wear if stained bottom of foot is turned to underside
3. Suitable for wear in boots (perhaps a stain or a rubbed-fuzzy place on the ankle from being previously worn in boots, either ankle- or knee-high) & skirts, but otherwise fine
4. Suitable for wear in boots & pants -- basically just a control top with legs
5. Why the hell didn't these get thrown out when I took them off?

I would like to be able to afford to instantly toss a pair of hose the moment there was a hint of trouble, but since I have not yet achieved Maharani status and good hose are not cheap, I am forced into a maddening frugality.

There are, of course, subcategories & variations on all these. Not to mention the other categories such as opaque tight vs. sheer pantyhose, control top vs. non-control top, sandalfoot vs. reinforced toe, thigh-high, fishnet, etc.

(Any non-crossing-dressing male presently reading this is saying a silent prayer of thanks for his Y-chromosome right about now, I'd imagine. Or maybe you're just all just saying a silent prayer of thanks that you're not ME.)

At any rate, aside from the more obvious categories (These are black! These are nude!), the problem is that most of this information is not readily apparent until the offending garment has been unrolled and stretched onto at least one leg. All women know the teeth-grinding frustration of dressing for an occasion and being pressed for time to begin with, struggling mightily into a pair of fabulous control-top pantyhose that not only make your legs look fantastic (because we didn't plan ahead & start the self-tanning regimen a week ago), but have the control top that is essential to keep the killer dress from looking like you've got a bunch of puppies stuffed into your underwear, only to find that voila! There is a runner from mid-thigh to toe. There's five minutes wasted, and now you're all sweaty to boot.

The kiss of death.
(But you know what's really weird about these? They're sold this way!!)

Again, maybe this is just me. But I doubt it.

So I've decided. This weekend, come hell or high water or the distraction of an as-yet-unviewed DVD full of "Battlestar Galactica" episodes, I am going to figure out a organizational/identification system for my hose. I know it sounds dangerous, but I'm just crazy enough to do it, and when I've got it worked out, I'll share it with you all. See? My compulsions benefit everyone!

But if anyone already has a fool-proof method, I'd be happy to give it a test run and then publicize your genius. 'Cause, y'know, I've got better %$#! to do this weekend, honestly...

Also up this weekend -- re-dyeing my black handbag! My big box of goodies arrived from the Shoe Shine Kit. I was like a kid on Christmas, I tell ya, ooh-ing & ahh-ing over my new creams & ointments.

(Yes. I KNOW I am a freak. I'm at peace with it.)

I am delighted with my metallic polishes, I've already spiffed up one pair of shoes quite nicely, thank you. I'll let you know how the bag turns out. Wish me luck!

Photos: Style Spy, www.costumesinc.com

Do Not Anger the Pantyhose

Great googly-moogly.

For ages I've heard people rave about what great pantyhose Donna Karan makes, but I've never bought any. Last week I was in Nordstrom's, and I went ahead and bought a pair of these:

Donna Karan The Nudes, with a control top and sheer toe. Really good sheer color, nice texture, and lordamercy, the control top!! I've got actual support garments that aren't this fiercely controlling. These are the Karl Rove of pantyhose -- complete and utter lockdown on material, brooking absolutely no deviation on the party line. It's their way or the highway. I actually broke a sweat getting into them -- I had to turn on the ceiling fan. Granted, I've got a lot of extra... er, material to control at present, but these bad boys wrestled my backside into a nice smooth surface. I wore them to dinner with My Girls, and that may not have been the ideal situation for them -- these are more stand-around-and-drink-cocktails-in-a-slinky-dress pantyhose, not stuff-yourself-with-garlic-and-basil-naan pantyhose. When I skipped off to the ladies' room after dinner, I left The Girls with strict instructions to send a search party if I didn't re-emerge after a set period of time.

I think for everyday use I'm going to stick with my tried-and-true Hanes Silk Reflections (in Travel Buff, thank you), but if you're looking for a control top to whip you into shape and show you who's boss, these are the way to go. Use them judiciously!

Image: Nordstrom.com