Look! Down on the Red Carpet!! pt. 2

Here we have continuing coverage of the Costume Institute Gala from last week. (I know, I know, it was a week ago. I'm a busy Style Spy -- so sue me!)

Next category: Designers Who Should Not Be Allowed to Dress Themselves

This category was alarmingly deep. So much so that it is actually going to be today's entire post. I do not know what it says about fashion that so many of the people who design the things we're supposed to want to wear trod down this red carpet looking like escapees from some lunatic circus, but I suppose it's just another example of "Do as I say, don't do as I do."

Daphne Guinness and L'Wren Scott, both in L'Wren Scott. Guiness is one of the UK's most famous clothes horses, a true lover of fashion who is not afraid to try anything. Daphne Guinness is one of my fashion heroes. In my opinion, Daphne Guinness is a superhero of fashion, with a wardrobe so vast and deep that recently she auctioned off 1000 items to benefit a charity. This look, I assure you, is on the tame side for Ms. Guinness and I really don't like it. It's just a long drippy gown made out of some sort of sparkly fabric -- the only thing notable about it is that it is LOUD. I'm actually on the fence about Scott's sequined Catwoman getup -- on one hand I really like the unexpectedness of pants at an event like this. On the other hand I just don't... like it.

Anna Sui in vintage Zandra Rhodes and boots of her own design. Apparently, Ms. Sui's superhero alter-ego is called Cobweb, and her superpower is the ability to convert Swiffer cloths into garments. I know it's all-hail Zandra and I appreciate Sui's appreciation for it (she often rocks the vintage Zandra), but that is awful. Sui is not what we'd call model-thin, which is fine, but 17 shapeless layers of wispy fabric is not going to look good on anyone, no matter her size.

Donna Karan, in her own design. Now I love me some Donna Karan. I love her work, I love her signature draping and the lean sexiness of her clothes. I love that she pays attention to how women's bodies actually work and designs for them. I love her commitments to eastern philosophy and philanthropy.

And I hatehatehatehatehate the color of that dress. The dress is baby-poo, and the baby had carrots for lunch.

Also -- and here it gets a little touchier -- the cleavage issue. While I appreciate -- nay, applaud -- the fact that Ms. Karan has not fallen victim to the plastic surgery craze and has not gotten herself lifted and separated and be-cantalouped... well, that neckline is no longer her friend. That neckline, truth be told, is almost no one's friend, unless they are A) under 25 or B) pretty small-busted to begin with.

Karl Lagerfeld. Shine on, you crazy diamond.

Doo Ri Chung. Oh, this is just awful. Again, it does her figure absolutely no favors and for crying out loud -- if you're going to wear bare shoulders, STAND UP STRAIGHT!! That dress would improve 50% instantly if her posture was better.

Guinevere Van Seenus and Cecilia Dean (who???) with Laura & Kate Mulleavy, all in the Mulleavys' label, Rodarte. Speaking of bad posture, would someone please send the Mulleavy sisters to a Feldenkrais workshop or a Pilates studio or a chiropractor or something? These girls (the two on the right) are both lovely and they are amazing designers and I do not believe I have ever seen a single photo of them where they were not both pigeon-toed and hunched over like grannies in a Little Red Riding Hood picture book. So, I don't really have a problem with the clothes here (except that I find it cruelly ironic that a woman who designs and makes clothes for a living can't get her own pants properly hemmed), just the presentation.

Lou Doillon and Consuela Castiglione, both in Marni, which Castiglione designs. Oy. I know Lou Doillon has an impeccable French chic pedigree (offspring of Jacques Doillon and Jane Birkin, she of the world-famous and much-coveted Hermes bag) but it would be nice if she didn’t look as though she just rolled out of bed and tossed a jacket over her nightie. I’m all for effortless dressing, but it is a black-tie event and effortless does not have to equal careless. And I love Marni, don’t get me wrong. Just not here.

Gulp. Zac Posen and Kate Mara (who???) in Posen. Okay, Zac, hip-hip-hooray for your sense of adventure and willingness to buffoon it up a bit in tribute to the evening’s theme. But did you have to take your friend down with you? And what superpower, pray tell, does Big Bird have, exactly?

Marcus Wainwright, Sasha Pivovarova, and David Neville, all in Rag & Bone, which Wainwright and Neville design. The shoes -- don't even get me started. The collars -- why in the name of all that is holy would a man think it was a good idea to wear a wing collar with a long tie? And is Neville wearing some sort of kimono-wrap vest underneath his shawl-collared jacket? None of this makes sense to me. And if all this weren't enough, Pivivarova (which is hard to type but fun to say) appears to be wearing some sort of spangly briefs underneath her filmy skirt. ::sigh:: Whatever.

Vera Wang in her own… creation. Good googly-moogly. Here’s another designer I whose work I consistently adore because it’s so often not within the conventional definition of beauty and yet is so frequently mesmerizing in a dark, thought-provoking sort of way. This is mesmerizing in a day-glo, train-wreck sort of way. Folks, Vera Wang is a tiny creature, I’m pretty sure she’d fit on my dashboard (Our Lady of Quirky Couture), and that is about twice as much fabric as someone her size should wear. And ooooooooh, I need her to cut her hair. So veryvery over the long, center-parted Curtain of Desperate Youthfulness.

I'm sorry, Tommy, but I can't agree with you here. Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo(who???). If this is a joke, it's not a very funny one. And if it's serious, it's a joke.


Stay tuned for a little more in the next day or two.


Photos: style.com

Look! Down on the Red Carpet!! pt. 1

I'm finally getting around to posting about the fashion seen at the Metropolitan Museum's Costume Institute Gala held this past Monday. It's taken me a while to get to it, but there was a LOT to sift through. I've had to divide it up into several categories, only a few of which we'll get to today.

The exhibit being celebrated by this event is called Superheroes: Fashion and Fantasy, and accordingly, there was some thematic dressing to be found. Now, a secret about Style Spy: I am a closet lover of comic books. The last time I moved house I finally got rid of several boxes stuffed full of "X-Men" comics that I had been toting around for quite a while. There was a period of my life (and it was more recent that I would like to admit, we cannot chalk this up to youthful silliness) when I was spending a large-ish chunk of money every month on comics. Comic book collecting becomes shockingly expensive pretty quickly, especially when you're a fan of a family of titles like the "X-Men." Marvel puts out easily a dozen new "X-Men"-related books every month, and if you get really sucked in (like I was) you cannot be content with current titles; you begin haunting comic book stores and Times Square comic dealers set up on folding tables for back issues to fill in the holes in your collection. Before you know it, you're a complete junkie. I eventually quit cold turkey, and for several years avoided comic book stores the way a recovering drunk avoids bars.

Why do I tell you this? Why, to present my superhero bona fides. Let me assure you, folks, more than your average fashionista I know a superhero when I see one.

Category 1: Successful Interpretations of the Theme

Piper Perabo (who???) in a designer I can't seem to determine. I just love this dress. I think the sleek modernity of it and the bold color blocking are what make me feel it's super-hero-ish.

Her hair, on the other hand, is not super at all. It's actually not a bad haircut, although I think just a touch too much of what it is, but it's wrong for the streamlined sleekness of the dress. The other interesting thing -- note the difference in her lip color between the two photos. I hope the lighter lip is the "after" photo, when she realized that the dripping-with-blood thing she had going on was not working. I know the conventional wisdom is that you pick either the eye or the lip to emphasize when you're doing makeup, but you have to take that with a grain of salt. A lip that strong requires some balance on the eye, or you're going to look like a recently-risen vampire who ate breakfast before she attended to her toilette.

Joy Bryant (who???) in Pucci with Matthew Williamson, Pucci's designer. Fab. The body-hugging silhouette makes it super, and those colors! Ah, I'm swooning. Mr. Williamson himself, I fear, was not so successful in his ensemble, but since he has the good sense to accessorize himself with such a well-dressed companion, he gets a lighter lashing.

Lisa Airan in Rodarte. Absolutely stunning. Whatever this superheroine's name is, surely she has powers of flight.

Christina Ricci in Givenchy. This is a good dress. I love the sort of Wonder Woman bodysuit effect swathed in that dreamy tulle -- this superheroine came straight from work and still looks beautiful. But... I just... Christina Ricci is looking ever so strange to me lately. She probably worked really hard to get her body into that killer condition, but her head is just... too... big. Which is a terribly unkind thing to say, but she's always been moon-faced, and now she's a full-on bobble-head doll, the effect of which is only added to by her seeming inability to keep said bobble-head on straight. I've said it before and I'll say it again -- give that woman some bangs!!!

Amber Valletta in Versace. I've talked about this dress before, and I still love it. She looks amazing.

Jennifer Connolly in, as usual, Balenciaga. More of the black & white graphic thing, and she looks great.

Caroline Trentini in vintage Thierry Mugler (but you knew that already). Yeah, baby, that's what I'm talkin' about. Crazy about this -- it is sooooo close to over-the-line, but not. Which is, of course, a testament to Mugler's genius, not to mention Ms. Trentini's sense of adventure and great taste. I think if this dress were made of anything but that gorgeous black velvet, it would have been close to ridiculous. As it is, it's sublime. (Plus, she's wearing my shoes!)


Category 2: Less-Than-Successful Interpretations of the Theme:

André Leon Talley (in a godhelpus Chanel cape) with Venus Williams in Carolina Herrera. ALT appears to have found himself a new underfashioned demi-celeb to Svengali, no doubt having been kicked to the curb by Jennifer Hudson after that Oscar fiasco. There's a part of me who loves ALT and his never-dampened outrageousness. The man has spirit and style. On the other hand, I think I would not like to have dinner with him -- my guess is he's a bit of a conversation hog. I shall admire him from afar.

Oh, dear lord. Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and Roberta Armani, all in Armani. All Tom is missing to be a dead ringer for a bellcap in a Marx Brothers movie is the little red fez -- what is UP with that tux?? Next, while I truly love Katie's little shout-out to Superman by combining the bright blue shoes with the red, the dress itself looks like it was made from that colored plastic wrap used to tie up gift baskets. Yards and yards and yards and fields and acreage of it. Lastly, apparently all the hairstylists in Milan (or wherever Ms. Armani resides) have been on strike. Since she was 16.

Lake Bell (who???) in Balmain. I don't really have to explain this one, do I? (According to Style.com, Ms. Bell was nearly overcome by the attention from the press: "When they take a photo of me, I'm just like, 'Oh, my God, that's amazing that you know who I am,'" said a giddy Bell." Take heart, girlie. There are still some of us who don't. Rest assured you could walk safely past me without being accosted.)

Anna Wintour in Chanel couture. Actually, I almost like this. It's the hip thingies that ruin it for me. I do applaud the riskiness of it.

Thandie Newton, also in Chanel. Oh, my. Usually this woman hits it dead-on, but that is dreadful. Apparently she is dressed as Bordella, whose superpower is the ability to make you look as though you just stepped out of a Frederick's of Hollywood catalog. This, my friends, is a dubious power of extremely limited usefulness. (What I'd really like to know more about is that little hot pink flapper thing going anonymously past in the background. That dress greatly appeals to me.)


Category 3: Theme? What theme?

This is as nice a job as I've seen Victoria Beckham do in a long little while. It's a pretty dress -- beautiful, really, in its classic glamor, it fits her wonderfully, and I cannot see any of her cleavages with the exception of her toes and I am perfectly fine with that. She actually looks nice. As for her husband, I do so prefer him with his clothes on, despite his undeniably outstanding physique. He looks great in that tux -- they are a very handsome couple here. Both are in Armani.

Fergie is making a bid to quietly class up her act lately by wearing a lot of Calvin Klein. It's not working for me. Once a chav, always a chav. I am never going to forget (or forgive) "My Hump."

Kate Moss and Stella McCartney, both in McCartney's designs. Moss looks pretty enough, McCartney -- oh my god, someone buy that woman a (vegan, eco-friendly, produced by empowered South American female entrepreneurs) lipstick. I love the color of the blue dress -- I actually just like the dress plenty -- but these two quite honestly give me the willies. That is a whole lot of overentitled smugness in one spot.

Oh, there's more, don't you worry. Lots more. Stay tuned!


photos: style.com, elle.com