Monday, January 21, 2008

Not the Intended Effect

Hello, and welcome to the working week! This is going to be a Week of Men here at Style Spy, and to kick it off I'm presenting you with this little... nugget.

Ummm... What exactly are they trying to sell us here?

I'm sorry, this totally does not do it for me. Honestly, how am I supposed to do anything but snort with laughter when I look at this photo? It's ridiculous. Oh sure, nice six-pack, excellent thighs (Although seriously -- is he waxing every square inch of his body??), he's a great-looking guy, but... Utterly ridiculous. I don't know how much that soccer team in Los Angeles is paying him (Has he played a single soccer game since he got here? Or does he just spend his days escorting his tragifyingly tasteless wife from one cocktail party to another?), but something tells me that "athlete" is no longer first on Becks' List of Things I Want to Be When I Grow Up.

It's the squinting that really kills me. It looks like he's working out a particularly difficult math problem -- the Goldbach conjecture, say, or the Riemann hypothesis. (Unlikely, methinks.) And he's awfully shiny, isn't he? What is that, Hawaiian Tropic? I think I'd ask him to take a quick shower before I let him loll around all over my Egyptian cottons.

So, no, not sexy. Just the opposite of sexy, if you ask me. You wanna see sexy? Here's sexy:


Yeah, buddy, now that's what I'm talkin' about. Fully clothed (I do believe that man is wearing a forest green velvet jacket. That fits him to a trice. ::gulp:: Pardon me, I need a moment...), no sign of abdominals anywhere (Does he have a six-pack? Would I care????), barely even shaven, let alone waxed, and would you please look at that grin? This is not a man who lolls in bed gazing into middle-distance. This is a man who... well let's just say that my guess is that once he's reached the stage of dishevelment shown above, you're getting aaaaaaaaall of his attention.

Oh, my. Someone pass me my salts.

Photos: Emporio Armani,

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blackbird said...


Feeling a little weak now, thank you.

Sian said...

I liked Clive Owen in the early 90s when no-one else had even heard of him. So there. :-)

As for Becks, yes, but he was a great footballer in his day. Now... I think LA is where he belongs

CarInUtah said...

Style Spy--
THANK YOU for defining what true good looks are. My love of Clive Owen harks back to a BBC production called "Second Vision" where he plays a homicide detective who is losing his vision. Check it out!
As for Beckham--thanks for telling me who it was, I thought it was just some random model--all I can do is wonder WTF is going through his head when his wife lays her fake jugs out for all to see? Does he have a brain or opinion in his head?? Spicey has the hardened, determined look of my across-the-street neighbor. Both are fabulously wealthy, both would go to any length to show off their wealth & both have the sourest, most miserable expressions on their faces. But I digress....
Bring on more manly posts!

CarInUtah said...

Oops-sorry. Clive was in "Second Sight", not second vision.

Arlene said...

Ok, but aren't you just a little happy that they've finally given some non-male model GUY the sexed up, oiled-down beefcake sex-object treatment they usually reserve for female actresses on the cover of Maxim?

r sorrell said...

I do love me some Clive Owen.