Friday, April 13, 2007

Wherein Style Spy Wonders If There Is A Support Group for People Like Her

You know what takes up too dingdong much of my time? Sorting through tights & pantyhose.

Style Spy's tights-&-hose drawer, which is also my gloves drawer. Have we talked yet about my accessory compulsion?

Seriously. Every other item of clothing I own I can just grab from its resting place in drawer or on hanger and throw it on & go. But with tights & pantyhose there's the unrolling, then the careful feeding of the hand through the leg to check for runs and things, then the putting on... If you're like me, your tights & hose break down into categories:

1: Suitable for wear, no reservations
2: Suitable for wear if stained bottom of foot is turned to underside
3. Suitable for wear in boots (perhaps a stain or a rubbed-fuzzy place on the ankle from being previously worn in boots, either ankle- or knee-high) & skirts, but otherwise fine
4. Suitable for wear in boots & pants -- basically just a control top with legs
5. Why the hell didn't these get thrown out when I took them off?

I would like to be able to afford to instantly toss a pair of hose the moment there was a hint of trouble, but since I have not yet achieved Maharani status and good hose are not cheap, I am forced into a maddening frugality.

There are, of course, subcategories & variations on all these. Not to mention the other categories such as opaque tight vs. sheer pantyhose, control top vs. non-control top, sandalfoot vs. reinforced toe, thigh-high, fishnet, etc.

(Any non-crossing-dressing male presently reading this is saying a silent prayer of thanks for his Y-chromosome right about now, I'd imagine. Or maybe you're just all just saying a silent prayer of thanks that you're not ME.)

At any rate, aside from the more obvious categories (These are black! These are nude!), the problem is that most of this information is not readily apparent until the offending garment has been unrolled and stretched onto at least one leg. All women know the teeth-grinding frustration of dressing for an occasion and being pressed for time to begin with, struggling mightily into a pair of fabulous control-top pantyhose that not only make your legs look fantastic (because we didn't plan ahead & start the self-tanning regimen a week ago), but have the control top that is essential to keep the killer dress from looking like you've got a bunch of puppies stuffed into your underwear, only to find that voila! There is a runner from mid-thigh to toe. There's five minutes wasted, and now you're all sweaty to boot.

The kiss of death.
(But you know what's really weird about these? They're sold this way!!)

Again, maybe this is just me. But I doubt it.

So I've decided. This weekend, come hell or high water or the distraction of an as-yet-unviewed DVD full of "Battlestar Galactica" episodes, I am going to figure out a organizational/identification system for my hose. I know it sounds dangerous, but I'm just crazy enough to do it, and when I've got it worked out, I'll share it with you all. See? My compulsions benefit everyone!

But if anyone already has a fool-proof method, I'd be happy to give it a test run and then publicize your genius. 'Cause, y'know, I've got better %$#! to do this weekend, honestly...

Also up this weekend -- re-dyeing my black handbag! My big box of goodies arrived from the Shoe Shine Kit. I was like a kid on Christmas, I tell ya, ooh-ing & ahh-ing over my new creams & ointments.

(Yes. I KNOW I am a freak. I'm at peace with it.)

I am delighted with my metallic polishes, I've already spiffed up one pair of shoes quite nicely, thank you. I'll let you know how the bag turns out. Wish me luck!

Photos: Style Spy,

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Anonymous said...

Ah, I've missed you. Are you only blogging on Fridays now?

My tights tend to fall into the only good with pants, cause they have a run that I caught midway down my shin, and your #2 category.

My organization SUCKS. Tights are shoved in with underwear, socks, a bra or two and, I have to admit, that box of See's chocolate I'm hiding from my family (what? it lasts longer that way, it really does).

Someday I'm gonna get organized and stay organized, and I'm looking forward to it. Unitl then, chocolate anyone?

StyleSpy said...

Ummm, I like chocolate. Chocolate's good.

No, it was just a crazy week this week. It's sweet of you to miss me.

Yes. Organized. You betcha! Can't wait 'til that happens...

Anonymous said...

Let the hose lenguish for another week - watch the BSG!!!

Just a thought from your cousin the monster scifi geek.

StyleSpy said...

Well, M, I hope you're happy, because that's exactly what happened. And it was worth it for the Apollo-in-a-towel action. Gracious, that boy is a work of art!

I have theoretically come up with a system, but haven't actually implemented it yet.

WinterWheat said...

You are NOT a freak. I get great satisfaction from shining up old shoes. Maybe it's just the effect of the polish fumes, but it makes me feel all cozy and content.