Friday, October 10, 2008

In Praise of Pockets

One of the reasons I was AWOL for a month was a wedding. No, not mine, the wedding of my dear friend Miss A, which happened last Saturday with great success. It was a beautiful day, she was a beautiful bride, and all our hard work was worth every moment. But hard work it was, and if you've ever planned a wedding you know I'm speaking the truth here.

The most important question surrounding any wedding plans, as you know, is:

The bride, of course, was covered. We'd scored her dress ages ago and I assure you it was perfect. (When she's back from lounging on the beach I'll ask her if I can show you a photo.) With her taken care of, I could turn my attention to my own closet. It was a Saturday evening wedding, so I needed something elegant, but I was going to be doing a lot of running around (another friend & I functioned as Miss A's wedding coordinators) and so I needed something I wasn't going to have to fuss with or worry about wrinkling & whatnot. Happily, because I scoop up treasures when I find them, I had this gem in my closet

I've shown you this dress before -- it's a little wonder from YSL that I absolutely adore. It's knit, it's easy, and it's chic. Perfect. It's also cut in such a way as to make the wearing of a bra problematic. For me, this is not such a problem, since I'm small-busted enough that going without a bra doesn't cause any serious arguments with physics. It's not something I advocate very often, of course, but in some circs it's the best way to go. I do however, make sure I suit up with a pair of these bad boys:


These are re-useable silicone dimmers that stick over the nipples to smooth things over and keep the Pencil Eraser Quotient at a minimum. I've had great luck with these, I much prefer them to the disposable kind that stick on like bandaids. The inner surface of these silicone jobbies is a little sticky, and applied to clean dry skin they stay on with no problem. When you're done you peel them off, give them a little rinse in the sink, let them dry, and they're ready to go for next time. The adhesive ones, on the other hand, wind up costing more because they can only be used once. Plus, if you have a less-than-steady hand on application, they can't even be used once, because if you have to peel them off due to a wrinkle or bubble you can't re-apply them. Lastly, I apparently have a bit of a sensitivity to the adhesive, because when I use the one-time ones I'm usually left with a faint redness, almost like a rash, in the shape of the thing, for a day or two. Not cute.

The day of the wedding we were working right up to the last minute to get all our ducks in a row, and when I finally went upstairs to get changed, I was a bit rushed. Rushed enough that I evidently didn't apply my dimmers with the usual amount of care. We got the go signal, music was played, mothers and bridesmaids and flower girls were cued, brides were walked down the aisle, all was going to plan. During the ceremony, after directing the traffic for the processional, I was standing in the back of the garden listening to the vows. Happily, I was tucked away from the seated guests behind some plants and trees, checking my notepad whereon was written the order of the ceremony and who went where when. All of a sudden, I felt a strange sensation and then plop! My left dimmer landed on the ground between my feet.


Oh, good lord.

I knelt and instantly scooped that puppy up and shoved it into my pocket. Thank god for pockets!!! Crisis averted! Back to the wedding!

Then I got to thinking. There's another one. Is it going to come off? If so, when? While I'm running back & forth getting various members of the wedding party to the photographer? When I'm standing in front of 100 guests announcing the toasts? While I'm reaching out to scoop up some of the yummy paella on the buffet line? Oh, maaaaaaaan... I gotta take care of this now.

So there I am, crouched down with my trusty legal pad clutched against my chest as I try to surreptitiously peel off my right dimmer without actually reaching into my dress. This is not as easy as it sounds, but finally, success!! It's off! But, oh, lord, where is it??? I can't find it! It does not obligingly fall to the ground like its sister! It's stuck inside my dress somewhere!!! So now I'm un-crouching ever so slightly, patting the fabric of my dress, frantically plucking at it trying to shake loose my recalcitrant pasty. Which, after four and a half hours (which was actually probably only about 28 seconds), I did. And after the ceremony concluded and I got everyone offstage and the formal photography was underway, I hid myself away and (carefully) reapplied the goodies. They didn't give me any trouble for the rest of the night, thank heavens. And happily, there's a videotape of the ceremony, so I can go back and listen to my friends' vows, which I was not, unfortunately, able to give my full attention to.

The rest of the event went mercifully smoothly. It was a wonderful wedding, and I had a wonderful time. But I felt I needed to share my wardrobe near-fiasco with my faithful readers and I'm hoping that if you have any similar stories to tell, you will. How about it, folks -- what's the most embarrassing wardrobe malfunction you've ever endured?

Have a good weekend, everyone!

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Anonymous said...

frighteningly similar. When I was my sister's bridesmaid, we had (fairly awful) shoestring strapped dresses and thus had to wear strapless bras. Well, it was a hot hot hot day, and as you say, that silicon stuff has to be clean and DRY to do its sticky job. What with all the sweating, it didn't stay dry for long. While it didn't actually fall off, I had to spend a good portion of the day hoiking my bra up from around my waist. Not. A. Good. Look.


Sian said...

I believe I told you about my pocket and underwear disaster this morning. I'm not sure I want to blog it though. (You looked gorgeous in that dress btw.)

Sian said...

Ok, if I need to share.... pockets were my enemy, not my friend. I was packing clothes for an overnight stay on my way to work, dashing about like a mad thing, couldn't find the underwear that I'd laid out, which was fine, I packed new underwear. Except when I went to get a tissue out of my jacket pocket, I found myself brandishing bright pink underwear to all and sundry on a crowded commuter train. So that's where it went...

materfamilias said...

A girlfriend of mine did the classic -- didn't realize she'd caught the back of her skirt up into her pantyhose so that she was rather exposed. She's an Anglican minister. This happened on a Sunday. On the altar, yes. . . I only heard about it secondhand but it made enough of an impression that I created a habit suggestive of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Really don't need to give my students discussion matter that much more interesting than the syllabus content.
Hope you enjoy the video viewing and that it doesn't contain any unexpected shots of wardrobe malfunctions . . .

LeeLee said...

I was in my first-ever big business meeting. I was wearing a lovely silk blouse. My bra, which hooked in the front, suddenly unhooked. This is worse than if a back-hooking bra were to come undone - the cups both went flying off to my underarms. I managed to hoist up my clipboard and look as if I were taking copious notes. I managed to rehook my bra about thirty minutes later while "rummaging" in my briefcase for some tissue.

Anonymous said...


Love the "wardrobe malfunctions"

Brings back not-so-fond memories of the time we took a group water-skiing and the plastic clasp on my bikini top broke in the boat. Youza!! Thank God my DH was wearing a t-shirt he could loan me.

Who among us hasn't had some slipping, snapping, tucking disaster at some time.

Like I always say. . .laugh or cry!

Anonymous said...

The BOOB & the Bicycle (long) : As a young mom I would ride my bike every night for relaxation. Okay ,so... One night I hit a curb and fell sprawled over the handlebars , stuck over the bike. No too bad right? But no, I had worn what I had on that day a bikini top & a pr of jeans over it to bike in. So YES, boobie drove in & got stuck ! The handlebar & brakes some how had gotten under the under wire and were firmly embedded . I looked around for help as there was no way I could move . I was pinned to the ground with my hands & bike. "Help" I yelled meakly. And help Help came in the form of a nice man ( cute of course) and when he sees what a spot I am in he goes 10 shades of red. But , he is my only hope. A hands on job this one is , so he digs in. This is not peace of cake as I am breast feeding ,OH God. He is getting wet from the spray as the breast is under pressure. The skin is now slippery , things are getting worse.. as I see a small crowd forming. Can I die right there , Please. Another set of hands needed . And where are all the women? As if.. The ending ...we cut my top off and there I am in all my splendor & boobieness on the road but free . This is my most embarassing story , I can still see that mans face when I shot him in the face with warm breast milk (we were very close).LOL & EEK Katie

Anonymous said...

Hee hee!! As the bride, I had no idea of course but I kind of hope that our videographer friend managed to catch you in the act. I swear I'll make him delete it, but only after a private viewing for my own amusement! ;-)

You did look fantastic and chic, and nobody mentioned your "headlights".

Miss A