Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The Larger Issue

By now you've probably heard or read about
the flap over the answer the current Miss California gave to a question about gay marriage that she was asked by Perez Hilton at the Miss USA pageant Saturday night. I'm not going to comment on her politics, because this is not a political blog. I'm not going to talk about the ongoing existence of beauty pageants in our culture because, again, not what this blog is about. (I will take a moment, however, to tsk-tsk the Miss USA people for hiring Perez Hilton as one of the judges. This guy is one of the uglier pieces of work to come down the public pike in recent memory. He is positively Dickensian in his nastiness, like a young, queeny Miss Havisham. It's one thing to have has-been pop stars and soap opera stalwarts as your judges, but this guy makes his living talking trash about people. You cannot associate your event with someone like this and then expect any of us with half a brain to take you seriously as anything other than a freak show.)

But I digress. As I said, this is a fashion blog, and based on the footage I've seen of the pageant, Girlfriend has bigger problems than her inability to speak extemporaneously on current events.

Good googly-moogly, that is one bad dress. And it reminds me of something. What am I thinking of...?

Oh, right.

In poor Miss California's defense, hers was not the worst of the gowns, believe it or not.

Miss Arkansas

I went to a beauty pageant and a belly-dancing show broke out. Seriously, it looks like her breasts are arguing with one another.

Miss West Virginia

Because two kinds of bad are better than one.

Miss North Dakota

The classiest beauty pageant contestant on Planet Pole Dance.

Miss Michigan

Miss Michigan apparently thought she was attending a pajama party and came in her nightgown. Her Frederick's of Hollywood nightgown. Really, honey, why are you even bothering with the sleeves? (Or the skirt, for that matter?)

Miss Vermont

I think the accessories (not to mention the pose) really make this. The representative from the Green Mountain State has chosen footwear made entirely of petroleum products. Atta girl. The transparent shoe makes sense, I guess. You wouldn't want anything to... um... distract from the er... gown.

Miss Idaho

What is up with the bell pulls hanging off this skirt? Come to think of it, the entire rig looks like something that was put together in an upholsterer's shop. Even Spuds here doesn't look convinced. "Really?" she appears to be saying, "You want me to wear this??"

Miss South Dakota

GOOD GOD!!! Was this pageant rated TV-MA???

Miss Delaware

Again I say, GOOD GOD! I'm sorry, this is not an evening gown. An evening gown is a garment one wears to a formal event, one at which the male guests are presumably wearing tuxedos and bow ties. This? The only event I can imagine wearing this to are the AVN Awards (a.k.a. the "Porn Oscars").

I rest my case. And man, was she peeved when she found out that Miss Arkansas copied her dress!

Although in all fairness to the ladies of the adult entertainment film industry, if you go here and scroll through the photos available you will see as I did that a great many of them are actually dressed in a far more respectable manner than most of the young women I showed above.

That gray dress in the center? I really like that dress!

And so this is what it has come to -- our porn stars are more tasteful than our pageant queens. (And probably a lot more fun to talk to, as well.)

Photo: seattlepi.com, kidspot.com.au, prphotos.com

Stumble Upon Toolbar


Bonjour Madame said...

Oh my word! These are some pretty bad dresses. Especially the curtain Miss Idaho is wearing.

Deja Pseu said...

The beauty pageant contestants all seem to be rather, ahem, anatomically "enhanced" seemingly with porn stars as inspiration. Seriously, those are some trash-ay dresses.

dana said...

Wait. You mean beauty pageants are porn for TV? You're kidding me!!! Who KNEW?!!! (end sarcasm)

Jo said...

South Dakota? DAYUM!

Kara said...

I always wondered where the pagent girls got those hideous dresses. You can go to any prom dress store in the nation and find something cuter than these tragedies. (Maybe not fashion-forward, but at least inoffensive!)

dana said...

Of course, if these women happen to be participating in a ritual to demonstrate their role as pieces of meat in a patriarchal society, then their clothing is entirely appropriate.

r r s said...

Perhaps these are their profile pictures for the "Seeking Arrangement" "dating" service?

Miss California looks like Jessica Simpson. (Sorry... that was random.)

Thumbelina Fashionista said...

LOL and ROTFL at your HILARIOUS comments. (Are you a stand-up comedian on the weekend?!) Anyway, you're so right about the gaudiness on the pageant stage. Who dressed these women?! Where in God's name did they FIND these dresses?!

Mindy said...

My thoughts exactly Deja Pseu.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Oh My.

dana said...

(wait, this isn't I Blame the Patriarchy? ... sorry ...)

Anonymous said...

funniest. post. ever.

StyleSpy said...

Well, there's nothing like showing a bunch of girls in hideous dresses to get the blogosphere commenting! Relieved to know we're all on the same page here -- glad you all enjoyed the post.

Anonymous said...

The biggest boob contest? I cannot believe it was a real pageant, pls tell me it was a joke .I am starting taping my breasts down tomorrow, curses on big boobs, unless I can give them to you , believe me you do not want any more. GAWD I hope mine do not look like that but the pageant was seriously funny.Katie