The Black Strapless Brigade

My vote for greatest invention of of the last I dunno how many years has got to be the DVR. No other way would I be able to wade through the television coverage that now surrounds any of the major awards shows. There is a lot of inanity and foolishness to fast forward through (Call me crazy, but I honestly don't care how Jane Krakowski's fiancé proposed to her. All good things to you, sweetie, but really -- don't care.), just so you can hear the four most important words anyone has to say that night: "My dress is by..."

There was, as usual, a lot of black on red at the Golden Globes last night, and what's more it seems like nearly all of it was strapless. I do understand the urge toward the black dress -- I have several myself and have to remind myself to skip over them when browsing, because really, how many do you need? (The answer is "More than you'd think," if you're me.) But unless the dress is either spectacular or a spectacular bomb, it's just going to fade into the mists of memory. Of course, that may well be what some of these ladies were aiming for...

I don't know who she is. This dress sure doesn't make me care.

Julie Bowen. Lovely girl, nice dress, she really does look pretty, it fits well -- she looks like she can actually sit down, and her breasts aren't on display like a Pussycat Doll. Just... unmemorable.

Sophia Loren in Armani Privé. Still glam after all these years, but I have a few quibbles. Namely -- her hairdresser apparently hasn't left the salon or even looked out the window since the mid 80's. And those glasses! Seriously, I think she stole my Grandma Merridy's glasses (around the same time as her hairdresser went underground) and has been wearing them ever since. Someone get the woman to an optician! Still, bringing the va-va-voom like that at her age? Hats off to you, Madame. You are an inspiration.

Speaking of bringing it -- Glenn Close in what I'm going to guess is also Armani (she wears a lot of Armani). Nice work, although not particularly inspired, perfect fit. I guess the one up side of reaching a certain age in Hollywood is that the stylists stop insisting that your clothing fit you like Swarovski-encrusted shrink-wrapping, and you can actually enjoy your chicken Kiev and a glass of champagne without worrying about any major wardrobe crises.

Susan Downey and her husband (mysecretboyfriend) Robert Downey, Jr. This is so conservative for him, and he looks great. If we can just get him into a tie, all will be perfect. She looks beautiful, too, but... ya know. Another strapless black dress, this one sparkly.





Well, here's black strapless with a twist. Julianne Moore in Balenciaga with Tom Ford in one of his own impeccable tuxedos. (Say what you will about the guy, despite his everpresent Miami Vice homage, the man cuts a sharp as hell suit.) I love the fabric of this, which looks like some sort of hammered silk, and I like the idea of it, but it's just not going anywhere. Perhaps it's her terrible, droopy posture that's throwing me off. She's going to get crucified by the Fashion Talking Heads for this, but Julianne Moore does really appear to like fashion -- she wears a lot of Balenciaga and other forward labels.





I don't know who she is. Giant black strapless dress, with somewhat interesting detail. Somewhat.





Carey Mulligan, adorable yet forgettable in Nina Ricci.




Penelope Cruz in Armani Privé. It will surely be one of the Great Fashion Mysteries of 2010 -- how the HELL do you make Penelope Cruz look dumpy???? Well, here's how. Also, what's with the cheerleader hair and makeup? Seriously, looking back on my freshman year of college in the early 80's, all of the girls rushing sororities looked just like this.

Courteney Cox in Victoria Beckham. Impeccable but boring. What excited me most about this was seeing her husband David Arquette, a man famous for having a closet that was the sartorial equivalent of a three-ring circus, look normal, in a nice, neat, no frills tuxedo. Not a hint of tartan or embroidery or sparkly embellishment to be found anywhere. Go, David!

No idea who this is. But the dress is winning. That thing is swamping her like a mudslide. Seriously, she's going to need a tranquilizer dart for that dress or she's not going to make it home alive.

Vera Farmiga in Dolce & Gabbana. Oh, dear. Hint: do not make a mermaid-silhouette gown designed to fit like a second-skin out of fabric heavy enough to be your spinster great aunt's winter bedspread. It will not end well. Also, did no one notice that there is a big ol' rosette right on her boob? Is that some sort of joke?? I'm so not laughing.

It wasn't all black. It wasn't all bad. But it sure as hell wasn't all good. Stay tuned & I'll share my thoughts on a few more tomorrow.


Photos: Style.com, Huffingtonpost.com, celebuzz.com, yahoo.com, goldenglobes.org

M.I.A.*

*Manolos In Action


Here are the new Manolos, out for their maiden run this Saturday:

I've had this jacket for ages & ages. It's a double-breasted tux jacket with satin shawl collar from Ann Taylor, of all places. A bit big on me and I've almost gotten rid of it several times over the years, but sometimes it really does the trick. Pretty classic, and wearing extremely well. This is my second bandage skirt -- found it on sale at Nordstrom and snapped it up. I want one in every color and five in black.


Thanks to Miss A for having a birthday so I had an excuse to wear my shoes. And thanks to the Weather Gods for FINALLY clearing things up so I didn't have a reason not to.

Photo: Style Spy

Do Your Homework, People

I just saw this ad on a fashion website:

I am not providing a link. They don't deserve to be linked to until they get their merde together.

What's wrong with this picture? Well, as anyone with even a passing interest in fashion and/or pop culture knows, that is a Manolo Blahnik shoe, not a Christian Louboutin shoe. Said shoe was a fairly important plot device in the "Sex and the City" movie and pretty much anyone who pays any attention to this sort of thing knows that. It doesn't really matter much, it's just really sloppy editing or whatever you want to call it and it offends me for that reason. It would be one thing if they'd used a shoe that wasn't so instantly recognizable, but... this is just dumb.

Because every Shoe Whore (yeah, I said it!!) worth her heel taps knows there are vast differences between Blahhniks and Louboutins. Even if you don't wear either of them, you know the difference when you see them. I'm a Manolo gal. I guess that makes me old school. Some of it is that I see Blahnik's shoes as more classically elegant and Louboutin's are more about the sex. Which is a debatable point, of course, and certainly a matter of taste. Mostly it's about the fact that Louboutin shoes never fit me. They seem to be made on an incredibly narrow last, and I have yet to ever squeeze my foot comfortably into a closed-toe shoe from this line. Even the peep-toes -- way too narrow. Actually, everything about them is narrow. Case in point:

This is Mr. Louboutin's Ginevra boot. Now, try to look past the zebra print, which I know a lot of folks will complain about, and just look at the shape of the thing. Which is stunning. I mean, that is a boot that wants to have sex with you. (Or anyone else who comes along with $2500 in his or her pocket. Yeah, seriously.) Last weekend, I tried on one of these bad boys at the sale at Neiman's, only the one I tried on was better -- it was a solid red leather and it? Was heart-stopping. I'm usually a size 39 or 39.5. I put on the 40.5 and it was still too narrow -- no way could I have worn that boot if I needed to actually use the -pedal part of my bipedal classification. Those are sittin'-down boots only, and I'd have to be carried from my closet (where I put them on) to the barstool on which I sat and accepted drinks from besotted men who plied me with Veuve Cliquot in the hopes of getting a piece of that boot-y (on purpose) action. But not only that -- I couldn't get the dang things zipped. Not even close. I will cop to having fairly muscular legs as a result of my running habit, but I can usually get a pair of boots zipped, at least. These boots? Ils ont ri de moi.* In French. Putain!**

At any rate, you need some pretty skinny pins to get into these boots. Way skinnier than mine.

Fear not for my shoe ego, however. Exhibit B:



Mmmmmm...

I went on a No Buy for the last part of 2009. It certainly contributed to the general crappiness that was Style Spy's 2009, but it needed to be done. It's a palate cleanser, for one. It also was a financial necessity, and did all my balances a world of good. And since I stuck to it awfully well (there were a few pairs of underwear here & there, and a couple of CDs), the Shoeniverse, once again, rewarded me. There was a sale, and a coupon, and when the dust settled... Oh, I'm not even going to tell you. It'll just upset you. Suffice to say they were a very, very good deal. Even more so considering they're the kind of shoes I can wear day in & day out, all year long, for the next 20 years. This weekend, they have a date to celebrate Ms. A's birthday by accompanying me to some as-yet-undecided fabulous watering hole to raise a glass of something bubbly. And I will be able to walk. Run, even. (In case anyone wants to chase me!)

Have a great weekend, everyone!


* "They laughed at me."
** Really? Do you need a translation for that?


Photos: Shopstyle.com, NeimanMarcus.com, Style Spy

Out In the Cold

Style Spy needs a coat. Actually, it might be more accurate to say that I need a jacket, a heavy jacket, not a coat. Something that will keep me warm when it gets into the 40s and 30s, but is not too long -- most of my being outside in cold weather involves going to and from my car. I don't want something that's so long I have to wrestle with the bottom of it when I get in and out of the car. I have a great big, wonderful old vintage black leather bomber jacket with a pile collar that I bought years ago at a flea market when I lived in New York, but it's a bit of a production -- it's bulky, and the leather is rather stiff. It's a great coat for walking around in New York, but less than ideal for running to the grocery store or meeting a friend for a quick, casual drink.

But it's not easy finding a good coat around here. Given that we don't have that much cold weather, the coat selection is pretty limited and found mostly in large department stores. And what there is, is booooooring. A thousand iterations of the peacoat in some form of another, or the "ladylike" little car coat, often cutesied up with ruffles or a flouncy skirt or some such. Comme ça:

::yawn::

::yawn::

::gag::

I wound up, in a fit of desperation, ordering something very like the second one above last weekend, but I already know I'm going to send it back. First of all, it's not what I want. Second of all, I ordered it online because the Nordstrom website told me they didn't have any at the store here in Austin, but when I went down there later that weekend there was an entire rack of the things sitting there. (Which is going to be a bone I pick at Customer Service when I return it, believe you me -- that's 8 bucks of postage I'm out for no reason.) And once I saw the things close-up I realized: cheap.

And this is the final piece of the problem puzzle for me. Nothing looks as cheap, to my eye, as a cheap coat. So, while a heavy coat is something I don't actually wear very often, I don't want a throwaway garment. Sadly, the current budget doesn't really have room for an investment piece.

I hit the interwebs looking for a little inspiration. (Click on photos or hypertext for links.)

This is gorgeous.

Alas, it is on sale for $3K+. Um, nope.


I could almost be talked into something like this:

but I want a full sleeve and I'm presently ticked off at DVF for making her clothes so dingdong small.

Maybe something faux-furry and fun?

DIESEL WRETT JACKET

Eh. I'm not really a faux-furry sorta gal. I looked at a couple like this at some of my favorite vintage places and they just don't speak to me, cute as they can be on other women.

I said I didn't want something very long (I'm wanting to stay hip-length or above), but I could certainly be talked into this:

Jil Sander, from a collection that made my eyes roll up into my head, I loved it so much. And it is on sale. For $1900. ::sigh::

This is a possibility

although I'd really prefer something that's not black or gray. The thing is -- I really HATE the cold weather. I hate being cold and I hate having to bundle up, so when I do have to pull a heavy jacket out of the closet, I want to really like it and enjoy wearing it.

This would be PERFECT.

HUSSEIN CHALAYAN PADDED JACKET

That is sooooooo cool. Neat as a pin and yet super-stylish. I really, really love that. Alas, I always really, really love the expensive stuff.

I have a feeling I'm probably headed for something along these lines:

Which is fine, I guess. I just don't find it terribly exciting. I might hit an army/navy store and see if I can't come up with an actual navy peacoat. At least it'd be warm & sturdy -- those things are indestructible.


Leather is nice & warm, and I do love the oversized mouton collar and cuffs here

but I think the Perfecto jacket idea is out. The problem with the flight jacket I already have is that it's black leather and frankly not right with a lot of things. This type of jacket is certainly a classic in its own way, but there are times when I want something with less... attitude.


Almost non-existent attitude:

There's something about the neatness and clean lines of this that I find appealing, and it's from Barbour, so I know it's good quality. However, it has an inescapably mumsy, Talbots-esque air about it. I'd bore myself to death wearing this.

In my perfect dream world, Rick Owens designs coats for me.

Only he learns to work in color. But oh, this is a gorgeous thing.


I am totally not down with the puffer coat. Except.

This is adorable. This is a puffer I could live with. What fun. I would love to have this in my wardrobe, but probably it's too... too to be the mainstay of the cold-weather gear.

I don't want a long coat, but I could make an exception for this. Gucci. Lordy, that is sharp.

Once again, I heart Phillip Lim:

This is fun, a great color, and the shape would work with most of the wardrobe. Thing is, the color might be too much fun. Probably not neutral enough. Also, I really don't want anything long enough to be sat upon when I slide into the car. I get so tired of the ensuing tugging & twisting to free up my arms enough so that I can steer.

Argh. I'm such a Goldilocks. The search continues...