Style Spy's Least-Favorite Oxymoron

Oh, it does Style Spy's heart a world of good when she discovers that the XY-Chromosomers are paying attention to their duds. A reader writes:

I have to give a presentation to some customers next week, so I need to dress business casual. Do you have any suggestions for business casual clothes that aren't nerdy? Something other than khakis and a button-down or polo shirt.

Oh, you men. On one hand, you have it so easy. There's really only a few variations on a few themes to play with. The uniform comes easy -- shirt, slacks, jacket. Maybe a tie. Maybe some cuff links. A sweater or cardigan for layering. Shoes. Voila, you're done. You never have to worry about hemlines rising and falling, whether your pantyhose have a run in them, or if your bra is visible underneath your blouse. Men don't have different kinds of support garments depending on what skirt they're wearing (or how fat they're feeling). Pull on those Jockeys and you're ready to go!

On the other hand... yawn. Honestly, I'm glad to the skies (for numerous reasons) that I'm not a man. Women's clothes are much more fun than men's. There is no Christian Lacroix Haute Couture Homme. And men's shoes, while usually less precarious and blister-inducing -- nowhere near as exciting.

The fine line that a well-dressed man has to walk is how to work the formula without lapsing into fashion turpitude. Throw into the mix that a guy probably has a job he goes to five days a week where he would like to not be mocked by his fellow employees, and I can see why it's so easy to slide down the slippery slope of sartorial laziness until he is trapped at the bottom of the deep, dark, Canyon of the Pleated Khakis and Polo Shirt.

Gentlemen, try not to wear polo shirts (unless you're golfing). Especially the piqué kind that have a design of some sort (leaves, for example, or some sort of plaid) printed on them. You know, like this:

Oh, this just makes me cringe...

This is the male version of the woman's I've Given Up Outfit (brightly-colored sleeveless knit top or t-shirt, baggy cropped pant, brightly patterned floral- or novelty-print short-sleeved shirt, and probably embellished low-heeled slides or -- worst of all -- flip-flops. You know, like this:

Even the model looks embarrassed and she was paid to wear this!

Are you wearing this outfit? Take it off and burn it. RIGHT THIS INSTANT.)


But back to "business casual," a phrase that grates on Style Spy's nerves like nails on a chalkboard...

As with women's clothing, the key to looking good in men's clothing is in the fit. American men's clothing tends to be cut enormously wide. The shirts are huge and billowing from shoulder to hem, and the pants are baggy and double-pleated. If you are a guy who's on the trim side, especially, try to avoid any labels by American designers that feature flags of any sort in their logos or advertising iconography (you know which ones I mean). The clothing will envelop you and make you look like you're a twelve year-old wearing your big brother's hand-me-downs. I repeat: wearing clothes that are too big for you has the effect of making you look younger, less pulled-together, less authoritative. This is not the look anyone is going for, especially in the workplace.

Also, gentlemen, please hem your pants. If you are lucky enough to find a pair of pants that fit you and are also the right length, take 'em right on home. But nothing looks more slovenly than pants that are too long and puddle up around your shoes. Here are a pair of properly hemmed pants

(click on all photos for links)

Nice-looking, flat-front, great all-purpose pants. These are by Hugo Boss, which is a label that tends to be cut slim. They break once right at the shoe and notice the lack of pleats. The most common... um, shall we say figure flaw that men worry about is extra weight in the misdsection. Gentlemen, wearing great big pleated pants will not camouflage a beer belly. It's just extra bulk and volume around an area that already has extra bulk and volume.

I really like this great casual cotton jacket. It pulls together a look without being as formal as a wool suit jacket or sports coat.

Here's a basic shirt with a sharp cut

In general I disapprove of clothing made in sizes S-M-L (except for t-shirts and sweatshirts) because the sizing is never precise enough and therefore the fit can be sloppy, but more and more manufacturers are utilizing this cost-cutting strategy. So try everything on.

Good shirt with a nice stripe, if you want something with a little more oomph. Calvin Klein is another line that tends to be good for the narrower guy. Another clue can be found in the models wearing any given product. Note the "edgy" haircut here. If you're looking for something on the hip side, stay away from the products modeled by square-jawed lumberjacks with crew cuts.

Another huge nerd signifier is the rubber-soled shoe. You know, the big chunky kind whose laces are always coming untied. Invest in a good pair of hard-soled shoes.

Yes, it's more money than a pair of Chuck Taylors (and I have nothing against Chucks per se, just not at work), but men's shoes are far less subject to the whims of fashion than women's are and even if you spend $300 on them, you're going to wear them for the next ten years. You won't get nearly as good a return on that 400" big-screen plasma high-def stereophonic space-age polymer television you've been drooling over in the electronics store.

Perfect, plain, classic, and you could wear these with a pair of dark-washed jeans and a good shirt on a date and not look like a slob.

More good slacks

and some excellent shoes

A good slip-on can be hard to find. You want to find something sleek and sharp without veering into Guido the Killer Pimp territory. The way to do that is to look for a slip-on with a high vamp, one that comes up high on your instep. These are fantastic. You cannot go wrong with Cole Haan shoes. They are a little more expensive than most department store shoes, but they are extremely high quality and will last you for years. Again, these could be worn with a nice pair of jeans to dress them up.

This has a very subtle floral pattern in it. I like a guy confident enough to wear posies. (And, Kenneth Cole tends to cut narrow.) Also note all the shirts I'm showing are long-sleeved. I have a thing a against short-sleeved shirts. (And heaven forbid you should wear a short-sleeved shirt with a tie -- anathema!) Short-sleeved shirts are for weekends. Long-sleeved shirts are for work. "But I work in a super-casual enviiiiiiiiironment," I hear you whining. Honestly? I don't care. You're an adult homo sapiens. You have opposable thumbs and a checking account. You control your environment.

Of course, when you're really ready to step up, you can explore the world of bespoke tailoring. I have a dear XY friend who is and always has been an exceedingly trim guy. He has a naturally narrow build with not a superfluous ounce and is one of those rare individuals who actually has to work to put mass on his body. This is great in many ways, but means that buying clothing off the rack is a constant challenge -- he's absolutely drowned by most men's clothes. This past year he was treated to some custom-made clothing -- a suit, some shirts, some slacks. I think it is safe to say the clouds parted and the angels sang when he put those clothes on for the first time. Not only does he look fantastic in them, they feel better. He's not always futzing with them, hoiking them up or searching for a way to re-distribute the extra bunched-up fabric that doesn't make him look like he has some weird growth somewhere on his body. Bespoke is expensive and not available to everyone, but even things you buy in a department store can usually be altered in ways that will make them fit better.

And lastly, before you get all up my nose about how you don't have the time to worry about all this, let me just nip that in the bud. Trust me, it takes no longer to put on a pair of well-fitted pants than it does to get into those khaki trash bags you've been schlumping around in. Pants is pants and you put them on one leg at a time no matter what size they are.