Thursday, October 15, 2009

Boots I Will Not Be Wearing

I was online doing some virtual shopping, looking for some boots I'm semi-obsessed with (about which more later.) I didn't find them, but I did find some doozies. I haven't done this for a while, so just for fun...

(You can click on the photos for links. If you do so, I'm assuming it is purely for research purposes!)

Irregular Choice - Snow Bunny (Red /White Blue/ White) - Footwear

If a person ate too much whimsy and threw it up and then made boots out of it? This is what they'd get.

Dr. Martens - Mods Lace 14 Eye Zip Boot (White/Black Softy/Lace) - Footwear

Doc Martens. With lace. How... "clever." Are you tempted by these? Ask yourself these questions:
1. Are you over 23 years old?
2. Do you have a job that is not in a record store?
3. Does anyone ever refer to you as "Mom"?

If the answer to any of these questions is "yes," it's time to put away the Docs. Re-live your anarchist youth in the privacy of your own home with your Sex Pistols albums if you'd like. But if you're not living in a squat, dump the Docs.

JEFFREY CAMPBELL - Jess (Multi) - Footwear

This is what happens when elves read Vogue.

From our old friends at Nascar:

Nascar - Venus (Teal/Black Suede/Fur) - FootwearNascar - Venus (Black/Pink Suede/Fur) - Footwear

I couldn't decide if the blue ones or the black ones were more eye-scathing, so I posted them both. (You're welcome!)

L.A.M.B. - Jenner (Black Multi) - Footwear

Sometimes Gwen Stefani surprises me. Sometimes she just upsets me.

Helle Comfort - Kinita (Black) - FootwearHelle Comfort - Kinita (Jeans) - Footwear

These are from a brand called "Helle Comfort." I don't care how comfortable they are -- I don't care if they come boxed with a pair of angels to massage my feet -- yech, those are ugly boots.

Proenza Schouler - OI9703 (Nero) - Footwear

Proof that just because it's expensive doesn't make it good. One thousand dollars worth of ugly from Proenza Schouler.

Luichiny - Star Bound (Black) - Footwear

This is ugly mostly in its intention, which is to rip off the YSL cage booties that I've been in love with for a year now. These are certainly more affordable (under 100 bucks), but I can't do it. When I walked, tapping of the heels would say, "Fake! Fake! Fake!" with every step I took.

Blowfish - Flat iron (Grey) - Footwear

For those days when you just can't decide between ankle warmers & sandals.

Naturalizer - Monika (Bordo/Alex Taupe/Raisin Leather) - Footwear

Sometimes Naturalizer makes surprisingly cute shoes. This is not one of those times.

This was just a short survey, friends -- and this was just the ankle boots. If you, like me, are shopping around for more boots this fall -- be careful out there.

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Claudia said...

My eyes! MY EYES!!!

Belle de Ville said...

I'm loving the teal blue boots.
Don't judge me.

CompassRose said...

The lace Docs are a bit gross, but I disagree with your overall assessment. They're not YOUR style, obviously, but I do see some people, who are grownups and employed, work the Doc in a way that doesn't scream "punk goth layabout." It can be done.

And didn't Yohji Yamamoto do a whole collection footed with classic Docs?

sisty said...

Hahaha! The last, multi-colored pair are EXACTLY like the ones that my father let me buy when he took me snow-boot shopping in 1966 when my mother had a headache & couldn't supervise! (Except mine were flats). I LOVED those boots -- but then again, I was just a little kid.

WendyB said...

I kinda like the studded ones! Don't judge me either...

Meanwhile, check my blog. You won!


I find all of them horrible, sorry.. lol

MAISON CHAPLIN, the internationally recognized most stylish and glam fashion blog by some fashion houses!


deep_in_vogue said...

I agree about the YSL, the association with the real thing would unfortunately always be there..

The Man Who Knew Too Much said...

Hahah. I can see why :)

Duchesse said...

Haaargh. And it's not that hard to make a nice boot.

Elaine said...

I agree, some of these are not very nice to look at!

The Photodiarist said...

Funny post. The first one is really scary.

Thumbelina Fashionista said...

LOL!! These should be banned!

BTW, what do you think of the Alexander McQueen spring shoe-boot-hoof? I love the clothes but I can't stomach those shoes.


Hii Have a fashion weekend! lol :)

MAISON CHAPLIN, the internationally recognized most stylish and glam fashion blog by some fashion houses!


Natalie said...

oh no, those legwarmer/sandals r a bit scary hehehe funny post! :)


isarcat said...

I was all ready to compose an ode to Docs and register my undying disappointment with your facile dismissal of aforementioned footwear when I read CompassRose's comment. I couldn't have said it better. I'm a woman who doesn't look her (around 40) age, but neither do I look 20. I have a very responsible high-paying job and yes, I loove Docs. Have 5 pairs classic, diff. colours. Mix and match with jeans or the occasional funky outfit. Don't wear them all the time, but definitely wear them. Yes, to work. They look great and my friends love them. Embrace your docs... you do NOT have to look like a clueless punk princess... ;) (and I agree, the lace ones are just WRONG :)

Deja Pseu said...

Wow, those are some real doozies....

Anna said...

Doc Martens with lace have been around for a while, I'm pretty sure. I guess you've not been slumming before and have no idea that they come in different styles?