Look! Down on the Red Carpet!! pt. 2

Here we have continuing coverage of the Costume Institute Gala from last week. (I know, I know, it was a week ago. I'm a busy Style Spy -- so sue me!)

Next category: Designers Who Should Not Be Allowed to Dress Themselves

This category was alarmingly deep. So much so that it is actually going to be today's entire post. I do not know what it says about fashion that so many of the people who design the things we're supposed to want to wear trod down this red carpet looking like escapees from some lunatic circus, but I suppose it's just another example of "Do as I say, don't do as I do."

Daphne Guinness and L'Wren Scott, both in L'Wren Scott. Guiness is one of the UK's most famous clothes horses, a true lover of fashion who is not afraid to try anything. Daphne Guinness is one of my fashion heroes. In my opinion, Daphne Guinness is a superhero of fashion, with a wardrobe so vast and deep that recently she auctioned off 1000 items to benefit a charity. This look, I assure you, is on the tame side for Ms. Guinness and I really don't like it. It's just a long drippy gown made out of some sort of sparkly fabric -- the only thing notable about it is that it is LOUD. I'm actually on the fence about Scott's sequined Catwoman getup -- on one hand I really like the unexpectedness of pants at an event like this. On the other hand I just don't... like it.

Anna Sui in vintage Zandra Rhodes and boots of her own design. Apparently, Ms. Sui's superhero alter-ego is called Cobweb, and her superpower is the ability to convert Swiffer cloths into garments. I know it's all-hail Zandra and I appreciate Sui's appreciation for it (she often rocks the vintage Zandra), but that is awful. Sui is not what we'd call model-thin, which is fine, but 17 shapeless layers of wispy fabric is not going to look good on anyone, no matter her size.

Donna Karan, in her own design. Now I love me some Donna Karan. I love her work, I love her signature draping and the lean sexiness of her clothes. I love that she pays attention to how women's bodies actually work and designs for them. I love her commitments to eastern philosophy and philanthropy.

And I hatehatehatehatehate the color of that dress. The dress is baby-poo, and the baby had carrots for lunch.

Also -- and here it gets a little touchier -- the cleavage issue. While I appreciate -- nay, applaud -- the fact that Ms. Karan has not fallen victim to the plastic surgery craze and has not gotten herself lifted and separated and be-cantalouped... well, that neckline is no longer her friend. That neckline, truth be told, is almost no one's friend, unless they are A) under 25 or B) pretty small-busted to begin with.

Karl Lagerfeld. Shine on, you crazy diamond.

Doo Ri Chung. Oh, this is just awful. Again, it does her figure absolutely no favors and for crying out loud -- if you're going to wear bare shoulders, STAND UP STRAIGHT!! That dress would improve 50% instantly if her posture was better.

Guinevere Van Seenus and Cecilia Dean (who???) with Laura & Kate Mulleavy, all in the Mulleavys' label, Rodarte. Speaking of bad posture, would someone please send the Mulleavy sisters to a Feldenkrais workshop or a Pilates studio or a chiropractor or something? These girls (the two on the right) are both lovely and they are amazing designers and I do not believe I have ever seen a single photo of them where they were not both pigeon-toed and hunched over like grannies in a Little Red Riding Hood picture book. So, I don't really have a problem with the clothes here (except that I find it cruelly ironic that a woman who designs and makes clothes for a living can't get her own pants properly hemmed), just the presentation.

Lou Doillon and Consuela Castiglione, both in Marni, which Castiglione designs. Oy. I know Lou Doillon has an impeccable French chic pedigree (offspring of Jacques Doillon and Jane Birkin, she of the world-famous and much-coveted Hermes bag) but it would be nice if she didn’t look as though she just rolled out of bed and tossed a jacket over her nightie. I’m all for effortless dressing, but it is a black-tie event and effortless does not have to equal careless. And I love Marni, don’t get me wrong. Just not here.

Gulp. Zac Posen and Kate Mara (who???) in Posen. Okay, Zac, hip-hip-hooray for your sense of adventure and willingness to buffoon it up a bit in tribute to the evening’s theme. But did you have to take your friend down with you? And what superpower, pray tell, does Big Bird have, exactly?

Marcus Wainwright, Sasha Pivovarova, and David Neville, all in Rag & Bone, which Wainwright and Neville design. The shoes -- don't even get me started. The collars -- why in the name of all that is holy would a man think it was a good idea to wear a wing collar with a long tie? And is Neville wearing some sort of kimono-wrap vest underneath his shawl-collared jacket? None of this makes sense to me. And if all this weren't enough, Pivivarova (which is hard to type but fun to say) appears to be wearing some sort of spangly briefs underneath her filmy skirt. ::sigh:: Whatever.

Vera Wang in her own… creation. Good googly-moogly. Here’s another designer I whose work I consistently adore because it’s so often not within the conventional definition of beauty and yet is so frequently mesmerizing in a dark, thought-provoking sort of way. This is mesmerizing in a day-glo, train-wreck sort of way. Folks, Vera Wang is a tiny creature, I’m pretty sure she’d fit on my dashboard (Our Lady of Quirky Couture), and that is about twice as much fabric as someone her size should wear. And ooooooooh, I need her to cut her hair. So veryvery over the long, center-parted Curtain of Desperate Youthfulness.

I'm sorry, Tommy, but I can't agree with you here. Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo(who???). If this is a joke, it's not a very funny one. And if it's serious, it's a joke.


Stay tuned for a little more in the next day or two.


Photos: style.com

Look! Down on the Red Carpet!! pt. 1

I'm finally getting around to posting about the fashion seen at the Metropolitan Museum's Costume Institute Gala held this past Monday. It's taken me a while to get to it, but there was a LOT to sift through. I've had to divide it up into several categories, only a few of which we'll get to today.

The exhibit being celebrated by this event is called Superheroes: Fashion and Fantasy, and accordingly, there was some thematic dressing to be found. Now, a secret about Style Spy: I am a closet lover of comic books. The last time I moved house I finally got rid of several boxes stuffed full of "X-Men" comics that I had been toting around for quite a while. There was a period of my life (and it was more recent that I would like to admit, we cannot chalk this up to youthful silliness) when I was spending a large-ish chunk of money every month on comics. Comic book collecting becomes shockingly expensive pretty quickly, especially when you're a fan of a family of titles like the "X-Men." Marvel puts out easily a dozen new "X-Men"-related books every month, and if you get really sucked in (like I was) you cannot be content with current titles; you begin haunting comic book stores and Times Square comic dealers set up on folding tables for back issues to fill in the holes in your collection. Before you know it, you're a complete junkie. I eventually quit cold turkey, and for several years avoided comic book stores the way a recovering drunk avoids bars.

Why do I tell you this? Why, to present my superhero bona fides. Let me assure you, folks, more than your average fashionista I know a superhero when I see one.

Category 1: Successful Interpretations of the Theme

Piper Perabo (who???) in a designer I can't seem to determine. I just love this dress. I think the sleek modernity of it and the bold color blocking are what make me feel it's super-hero-ish.

Her hair, on the other hand, is not super at all. It's actually not a bad haircut, although I think just a touch too much of what it is, but it's wrong for the streamlined sleekness of the dress. The other interesting thing -- note the difference in her lip color between the two photos. I hope the lighter lip is the "after" photo, when she realized that the dripping-with-blood thing she had going on was not working. I know the conventional wisdom is that you pick either the eye or the lip to emphasize when you're doing makeup, but you have to take that with a grain of salt. A lip that strong requires some balance on the eye, or you're going to look like a recently-risen vampire who ate breakfast before she attended to her toilette.

Joy Bryant (who???) in Pucci with Matthew Williamson, Pucci's designer. Fab. The body-hugging silhouette makes it super, and those colors! Ah, I'm swooning. Mr. Williamson himself, I fear, was not so successful in his ensemble, but since he has the good sense to accessorize himself with such a well-dressed companion, he gets a lighter lashing.

Lisa Airan in Rodarte. Absolutely stunning. Whatever this superheroine's name is, surely she has powers of flight.

Christina Ricci in Givenchy. This is a good dress. I love the sort of Wonder Woman bodysuit effect swathed in that dreamy tulle -- this superheroine came straight from work and still looks beautiful. But... I just... Christina Ricci is looking ever so strange to me lately. She probably worked really hard to get her body into that killer condition, but her head is just... too... big. Which is a terribly unkind thing to say, but she's always been moon-faced, and now she's a full-on bobble-head doll, the effect of which is only added to by her seeming inability to keep said bobble-head on straight. I've said it before and I'll say it again -- give that woman some bangs!!!

Amber Valletta in Versace. I've talked about this dress before, and I still love it. She looks amazing.

Jennifer Connolly in, as usual, Balenciaga. More of the black & white graphic thing, and she looks great.

Caroline Trentini in vintage Thierry Mugler (but you knew that already). Yeah, baby, that's what I'm talkin' about. Crazy about this -- it is sooooo close to over-the-line, but not. Which is, of course, a testament to Mugler's genius, not to mention Ms. Trentini's sense of adventure and great taste. I think if this dress were made of anything but that gorgeous black velvet, it would have been close to ridiculous. As it is, it's sublime. (Plus, she's wearing my shoes!)


Category 2: Less-Than-Successful Interpretations of the Theme:

André Leon Talley (in a godhelpus Chanel cape) with Venus Williams in Carolina Herrera. ALT appears to have found himself a new underfashioned demi-celeb to Svengali, no doubt having been kicked to the curb by Jennifer Hudson after that Oscar fiasco. There's a part of me who loves ALT and his never-dampened outrageousness. The man has spirit and style. On the other hand, I think I would not like to have dinner with him -- my guess is he's a bit of a conversation hog. I shall admire him from afar.

Oh, dear lord. Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and Roberta Armani, all in Armani. All Tom is missing to be a dead ringer for a bellcap in a Marx Brothers movie is the little red fez -- what is UP with that tux?? Next, while I truly love Katie's little shout-out to Superman by combining the bright blue shoes with the red, the dress itself looks like it was made from that colored plastic wrap used to tie up gift baskets. Yards and yards and yards and fields and acreage of it. Lastly, apparently all the hairstylists in Milan (or wherever Ms. Armani resides) have been on strike. Since she was 16.

Lake Bell (who???) in Balmain. I don't really have to explain this one, do I? (According to Style.com, Ms. Bell was nearly overcome by the attention from the press: "When they take a photo of me, I'm just like, 'Oh, my God, that's amazing that you know who I am,'" said a giddy Bell." Take heart, girlie. There are still some of us who don't. Rest assured you could walk safely past me without being accosted.)

Anna Wintour in Chanel couture. Actually, I almost like this. It's the hip thingies that ruin it for me. I do applaud the riskiness of it.

Thandie Newton, also in Chanel. Oh, my. Usually this woman hits it dead-on, but that is dreadful. Apparently she is dressed as Bordella, whose superpower is the ability to make you look as though you just stepped out of a Frederick's of Hollywood catalog. This, my friends, is a dubious power of extremely limited usefulness. (What I'd really like to know more about is that little hot pink flapper thing going anonymously past in the background. That dress greatly appeals to me.)


Category 3: Theme? What theme?

This is as nice a job as I've seen Victoria Beckham do in a long little while. It's a pretty dress -- beautiful, really, in its classic glamor, it fits her wonderfully, and I cannot see any of her cleavages with the exception of her toes and I am perfectly fine with that. She actually looks nice. As for her husband, I do so prefer him with his clothes on, despite his undeniably outstanding physique. He looks great in that tux -- they are a very handsome couple here. Both are in Armani.

Fergie is making a bid to quietly class up her act lately by wearing a lot of Calvin Klein. It's not working for me. Once a chav, always a chav. I am never going to forget (or forgive) "My Hump."

Kate Moss and Stella McCartney, both in McCartney's designs. Moss looks pretty enough, McCartney -- oh my god, someone buy that woman a (vegan, eco-friendly, produced by empowered South American female entrepreneurs) lipstick. I love the color of the blue dress -- I actually just like the dress plenty -- but these two quite honestly give me the willies. That is a whole lot of overentitled smugness in one spot.

Oh, there's more, don't you worry. Lots more. Stay tuned!


photos: style.com, elle.com

More Fun at the Museum

Here's the last installment of photos from the Met's Costume Institute Gala. Our first section today is The Socialites:



Eliza Reed Bolen, wearing a dress designed by her stepfather, Oscar de la Renta. It's good to be people who knows people, huh? Oscar had a good night at the Met, there were several women wearing very beautiful dresses of his. But then, few know how to turn out an exquisite dress with the dependability of Mr. de la Renta. He is a master.

Fabiola Beracasa in Givenchy Haute Couture

Oh, I want to love it, but I can't. I can't even like it. I'm forever complaining about how people don't take risks with fashion and how folks who have the means & access to wear truly adventurous clothes never do and it's all so boring, blah-blah-sour-grapes-fishcakes-blah. And then Fabby Darling shows up in this dress and I know I should applaud her, but I just hate the damn thing. I hate that dust brown non-color, I hate that honeycomb stuff that makes it look like it's made from one of those tissue paper tabletop Easter decorations that goes from flat to 3D, I hate that it makes her look HUGE, like some silk chiffon Michelin man, and I reeeeeeally hate that peekaboo effect at the legs -- it's like some trashy negligée from Frederick's of Hollywood. The whole thing is just tragifying.



Tinsley Mortimer (in Versace) wants to be the next Jessica Simpson. Go, Tins!

Donald and Melania Trump in Michael Kors

Now this is the way to do a shimmy dress! Think whatever you want about the Donald, his wife is one hot babe and she knows how to work her own assets. I'm a big fan of the shimmy dress, and interestingly, my friend Anita, who accompanied me to the Neiman Marcus Grand Opening Gala here in Austin, went to that event in a black one, also by Michael Kors. The great thing about hers (and I'm assuming the one Melania's wearing) was that it was basically a knit jersey tube with the fringe sewn on it in tiers. Believe it or not, incredibly forgiving and comfortable. You can see the shape of the body underneath it, but the fringe does a marvelous job of hiding any bumps or bulges you're not wanting to display, not to mention distracting the eye with all that fabulous movement. Love it.

Renée Rockefeller in Oscar de la Renta

This is just gorgeous. I don't know if it's passamenterie or embroidery or appliqué or what, but it's stunning. And again -- note that while the fabric is stupendously ornate, the shape of the dress is extremely simple. Balance, grasshopper. Very important.

Franca Sozzani (in Alberta Ferretti) with Lapo Elkann

Jeez. Imagine what he must have looked like before the rehab... And why is he wearing my Grandpap Bruno's old slippers?

Steven Newhouse with Gina Sanders in Angel Sanchez

Oh, dear lord. Where do I begin? Thing is, if the dress were only the blue brocade strapless sheath, it would be fine. Not stellar, but fine. Unfortunately, Mr. Sanchez could not stop at fine. Instead, he draped what appears to be a gold fishing net over the dress, then used fur (fur!) to create a geometric outline guaranteed to make the wearer of the dress look tragically pear-shaped by hiding her bust and outlining her hips. None of these elements go together, the neckline looks as if moths got at it, the cheesy gold Arthurian netting forms a train (a train!) behind her, trailing bad taste and muffled snickers wherever she goes. A complete disaster. Mr. Sanchez should be whipped with a yardstick and this woman should have her solo shopping privileges revoked for at least five years. Truly one of the worst dresses I've ever seen.

The next section is titled Miscellaneous, or People Who I Don't Know or Who are Famous for No Good Reason:

Elizabeth Banks in Prada

I have absolutely no idea who this young woman is, and I can't be bothered to google her. All I see when I look at her is grist for my fashion mill. To wit: this is why satin is so difficult. I like the clever little roses at the waistline, but this broad expanse of satin just reflects light and makes her look bigger than she is. Not to mention that after she sits for 15 minutes, that gray tube of satin is going to have so many creases she's going to look like she's wearing an elephant's trunk for a skirt. I can't believe it isn't wrinkled already: she either arrived at the event nude & dressed in the ladies' room or took the subway and stood up all the way.


Her name is Rihanna. Since it's a one-word name, I gather she must be some sort of "singer" or "musician." Her gown is by Georges Chakra. I feel I am seeing entirely too much of her chakras. And is that seriously a black mesh glove on her hand? Is she kidding??

Jessica Simpson in Roberto Cavalli

Because you never know when you're going to need someone to pop out of a cake. Seriously, she is circling the trashy drain these days. Bob Guccione likes his women classier than this, for pete's sake. Don't believe me? Check out my bloghero Manolo's take, for pithy commentary and the (godhelpus) frontal view.

Okay. That's it. You can go to Style.com for the full scoop and to see many, many more pictures of garments both classic and questionable. Have fun!

photos: Style.com

Hollywood Goes to the Museum

I think it's adorable when the show-biz people get all dressed up and pretend to have cul-cha, don't you? From the Met Costume Institute Gala, here's The Hollywood Contingent:

Parker Posey in Marc Jacobs

Oh, dear. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. See, here's the thing: if you're going to wear a risky dress, you have to own it. You have to throw your shoulders back and keep that head high and stride through the room like Katherine Hepburn in "The Philadelphia Story." If you don't, if you admit the tiniest smidgen of uncertainty into your demeanor, then the dress defeats you and you wind up looking a fool. Perhaps it's just this photo, but Parker appears to have grave doubts about her dress (as well she might) and therefore, it's a disaster. I think there are actresses who could have pulled this off: Cate Blanchett, Sarah Jessica Parker, even Nicole Kidbot. Ms. Posey? Not so much.

Liv Tyler in Calvin Klein Collection

Perfectly lovely girl in perfectly lovely dress. No, it's not the most fashion-forward thing, but that color? Is exquisite on her. Perfection. I'll bet it was beyond beautiful when she walked, with the movement of that drape in the back. And Liv Tyler's skin is enough to make me want to pull a Princess Erzsébet of Transylvania -- it's unbelievable.

Alessandro Nivola in Calvin Klein Collection and Emily Mortimer in Chanel

My vote for cutest couple -- I think they are soooooo adorable. And oh, that blue!! That blue!! So beautiful!! And yeah, I like the foofy bits. They're fun.

Francisco Costa with Christina Ricci in Calvin Klein Collection

Great googly-moogly! What the hell has happened to Christina Ricci?? While I am deliriously happy to see her embracing the idea of bangs (Let's face it folks, without them her head looks like a giant wheel of parmesan cheese. You know it's true.), what is going on with her face? Yeah, I've read the interviews about "losing her babyfat" and all that jazz, but methinks she's been getting beauty tips from Nicole Kidbot. She's starting to skeeve me a little.



Aw, how sweet. Mary-Kate is wearing her favorite teddy bear. Seriously, I want to break into this girl's house and incinerate all her black eyeliner. Enough, already!!! (I think this dress is Givenchy.)



Angie Harmon in I-don't-know-whose dress, but she looks like a million bucks. The dress (it seems Cavalli-esque to me. Does anyone know?) could be a bit much, but she is simple and elegant in it, with that tight chignon and appropriate jewelry. Also, while the fabric of the gown is quite ornate, the cut of it is simple and actually rather conservative. Had Beyoncé Knowles put this on, the skirt would be slashed at least to the belt, the sleeves chopped off, and some hydraulic support mechanism would have her boobs up around her ears, creating a whole Reptilia the Erotic Snake Goddess at the County Fair effect. Ms. Harmon here manages to wear a lamé snakeskin print and look tasteful. Brava.

Cate Blanchett in Balenciaga with Nicholas Ghesquiere

This is a near-miss for me. It's just too... too, ya know? Plus the Bride of Frankenstein hair & makeup aren't doing the normally stunning Ms. Blanchett any favors. As I pointed out to Mary-Kate above, I really hate that raccoony-eye thing. (Unless you're Chrissy Hynde, or someone with similar rock & roll street cred.)

Kirsten Dunst in vintage YSL, with Johnny Borrell

Further proof that dating musicians is never a good idea.

Juliette Lewis in vintage

Another dress I just adored. It's beautiful, it looks beautiful on her, it's body-conscious but not tight. I love the long gold necklace, as well. I could do without the headband, but I understand it's a nod to Poiret's twenties, and at least she resisted the urge to go full-on costume and marcel-wave her hair. Juliette Lewis is an odd duck and we don't see her very often, but if she dressed like this all the time I'd like to see her more.

Claire Danes in Prada with Hugh Dancy

I think this was my favorite dress of the night. No deep fashion meta-analysis needed, it's just gorgeous. Simple as that. I've always been a fan of ombré effects, and the colors on this one are so unexpected. Just lovely.

More Gala-gear tomorrow! See you then!

Photos: Style.com

I've Been A Little Too Nice for a While...

Herewith, some views of folks at the Metropolitan Museum of Art's Annual Costume Institute Gala. This year's ball celebrated the Met's exhibit titled "The King of Fashion," which is a tribute to the French genius Paul Poiret, whose heyday was the first two decades of the 20th century. This will explain some of the fashion choices (although, god knows, some are beyond all explanation).

There are a ton of photos available from this event. Lots of pretty dresses, lots of eyebrow-raisers. I've divided my comments into segments based on the attendees' milieus. First, we bring you The Fashionistas:

Vogue's Sally Singer in Balenciaga

I have an outfit similar to this. I'm never wearing it again.

Margherita Missoni in Missoni.

If your own mother designs the dress and you still can't figure out how to put it on, something is very wrong.


Stephanie Seymour, who evidently made a dress from her toilet-cleaning brush.

Jessica Stam in Dior Couture by John Galliano

I love this. It beautifully evokes the spirit of Poiret and besides that is a stunning dress. I'd love to see it close up -- I'll bet that beading and fringe is heart-stopping. It's so easy and it looks effortless -- plunk it on over your head and voila! You're perfection!

My girl Miuccia Prada in her own design

Can't help it, I love her. While I wasn't terribly keen on her latest collection for Prada, I adore her trademark mix of something flashy-spectacular with something neat & muted. Yes, I love that skirt. Why not? It's bright, it's colorful -- it's FUN. Fashion should be FUN, dammit!! She's paired it with a relatively sober blouse, very limited jewelry and shoes that are kicky but not over-the-top: it's perfect. (Actually, those shoes are magically delicious, aren't they -- that's enough to inspire a gal to get some orange into her wardrobe.) I have a great skirt made of shredded tulle and sequins that I love to wear with a simple button-down shirt or a sleeveless knit shell; it's the same idea. All you need for a great outfit is one special piece that you highlight. You go, Miuccia!

Julia Restoin-Roitfeld in Phi

"Ah, dommage, je suis trop fatigué to change out of my nightgown!" This may be taking "effortless French chic" a bit far.



Grace Coddington, cut your hair! You're a million and six years old and your hair looks like it belongs on a cheerleading squad somewhere.


Iman and David Bowie. Dear lord. Two more beautiful people you're unlikely to find. I'm skipping over the walking stick -- I'm assuming that Iman has had knee surgery or some such because I can't otherwise imagine her adopting such an affectation. They're just flawless.



M. Lagerfeld, only hitting about a 6 on the 1 - 10 scale of Lagerfeldianism. But we must admire the attention to detail that extends to matching his assistant to his wardrobe.

Giselle Bundchen in YSL

Granted, it's hard to go wrong when you look like this, but the dress is fantastic.

Oh-so-very-Thom Browne

I am so over this guy. Blah-blah-quirky-no-socks-fishcakes-blah. As far as I can tell, he just gets all his "design" ideas from Weezer videos, puts them on the runway, and calls them Fashion. Even Scott over at the Sartorialist, who was a great fan & supporter of Browne, is getting a little tired of it. (Scroll down to about midway down the page for his article.)



My favorite fashion teddy bear Alber Elbaz. Alber, petit chou, je t'adore, but we need to talk about your shoes...

Anna Wintour in Chanel Haute Couture (with Bee Shaffer)

I think Anna needs to go to the hair salon with Grace Coddington. Agreed, it's certainly a classier and more age-appropriate hairdo, but the whole signature-hair thing just wears a bit thin, unless you have considerably more personality than La Windour.

Jamie Burke in Calvin Klein Collection

This is the vacant-eyed man-child I've been seeing in Calvin Klein ads lately. He has the body of a pre-adolescent boy, two pierced ears, and lots of hair. Apparently, that's all it takes to be a male model these days. He's one of many, many pretty little boys who I'm seeing in magazine ads and while I'm sure he appeals to the Forever 21 crowd, his charm is completely lost on me. I just want to call him mom & ask her if she knows what he's up to. I guess I'm just getting old. Also, buddy? If you're going to wear trousers that narrow, empty your freaking pockets! It looks like he has a couple of Matchbox cars, a capgun and his Gameboy in there.

André Leon "It's All About Me" Talley trailed by Alber Elbaz

That's Dracula on the phone, bitching out ALT for borrowing the cape without asking first.


More coming soon...

Photos: Style.com