Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I've Got A Ba-a-a-a-d Feeling About This One

Now, I've never gotten married, so I've never personally shopped for a wedding dress. But I've helped a lot of other women shop for wedding dresses, and of course I've watched a lot of women shop for wedding dresses on television & whatnot. And it seems to me that one of the things you hear most consistently from a bride when buying her wedding gown is that she wants "to take his breath away" or "to look the most beautiful I've ever looked so he'll always remember that moment," or some other demure, bride-appropriate variation what basically boils down to, "Get him all hot under his wing collar so he feels okay about giving up every woman in the world except me as a potential sex partner."

So when you see a woman who chose this

as her Dress of Dresses on her Special Day, it gives one pause. This???? This is the most beautiful you can imagine looking for your new groom? Sweetie, I don't want to be the one to say it, but if this is what he's looking for in a bride, you probably want to think twice about leaving the new Mister home alone on the sheep farm, IIYWIMAITYD.

These folks are breeders of prizewinning sheep in England, and the bride's gown was made from the wool from... wait for it... her very favorite sheep, whose name is Olivia.

Good googly-moogly.

"Come along, Livvie! We're serving one of your sisters for the reception dinner!" (No. Really. They did.)

Overheard at the reception: "And I mean it -- the next one of you woolly bitches I see hanging around the farmhouse making sheep eyes at my husband is going into the crockpot so fast they'll feel the breeze in Scotland!"

I tell ya, it's enough to make a gal long for yet another strapless white A-line number. Better boring than... well, let's just leave it there, shall we?

Images: DailyMail.co.uk

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Plumcake said...

O IF ONLY there was some way to weave some sort of FABRIC out of wool.

Still, all things considered Olivia is a pretty great-looking sheep.

WendyB said...

Oh my God! I love this! So funny!

The Haute-Shopper said...

Hahaha... this is the funniest (in a bad way) thing I've read in a while. It's fine to have a hobby and passion, but you really don't need to integrate that into a wedding dress... otherwise I would have married in my scuba gear. Poor sheep... wouldn't be surprised if some of them were part of the bridal party. And no, not the most flattering dress at all... I bet that added a few lbs to her frame. I think most people obsess too much over weddings to begin with. I think I'd rather go to someone's City Hall reception than this.

Deja Pseu said...

Oh dear.

Denise said...

While you had me giggling and cringing, and I know I'm going to take some crap for this, I think it's refreshing (in a very weird and slightly uncomfortable way, I grant you) that she chose something so unique. If you don't know it's sheep, it looks kind of cool. I know, I know, mostly it's sort of terrible, but it's also sort of wonderful. And on a related note, I hate most when a bride says she wants to feel like a princess. Twelve year old girls want to feel like princesses. Grown women who are not actual princesses do not want nor need to feel like a princess on their wedding day.

They didn't really serve one of them for dinner, did they?

dana said...

Um, and you didn't even comment on his gear. And looking like a princess might be preferable, at any age, to looking like little Bo Peep. Gadzooks.

Mindy said...

I've seen much, much worse. http://uglydress.com/

r r s said...

Goodness. Well, it's memorable, at least.

If you enjoy being shocked and horrified, there is a show called "My Big Fat Redneck Wedding," or something like that. I think it's on the country music channel. Imagine: Ladies with big, fabulous perms, riding in on hunting vehicles, in a camoflage dress, with a bird dog as a ring bearer, and a Budweisser-themed groom's cake... Dreamy!

Anonymous said...

Denise, I too have never understood wanting to feel like a princess on your wedding day. You should feel beautiful, and sexy and in love (I did), but "princess"? Blech.

The other thing I'll never understand is couples who get married at Disneyland. Disneyland! I think maybe they're not mature enough to be getting married in the first place.

You know, the sheep dress isn't completely horrible if you look at it sort of sideways and from a distance. I've seen worse. Okay, it's still pretty horrible.

Karen G

Steph said...

I don't know, I wouldn't wear it myself, but I kind of like it. But I love yarn, so: biased.

It's a lot better than what he's wearing!

Theresa said...

While normally I'd be the last person to spout in defense of wedding stuff sappiness, I find it unnecessary to ridicule this bride. Tastes, as we all know, differ, and while this might appear a little weird (but really compared to Disney princess or Hello Kitty gowns...), the bride and the groom both seem happy and pleased with how they look. And the gown has a lot of personal meaning for them, which is really what a wedding should be about right?