Sunday, August 23, 2009

My Underwear Is One With the Universe

So I bought a pair of these today:

(click for link)

I thought they were just a nice pair of underwear -- very soft, a good nude color (Although it is apparently called "warm quartz." Because underwear that was a color called "nude"? Preposterous!) and I needed a little boy short thing for a couple of knit dresses I have that are not so forgiving of regular underpants -- VPLs, doncha know.

So, yeah, I thought they were just nice underwear, until I got home & examined the tag, which informed me proudly that my panties were made of bamboo. (Technically, they are 42% rayon from bamboo. Also 35% nylon, 18% cotton, and 5% spandex.) Bamboo! "Bamboo," the tag on my underwear tells me, "has been used in China for more than 5000 years. Before paper was invented, slips of bamboo were the most important writing medium, making bamboo an important part in the spread and development of Chinese culture."

My underpants have cultural significance!!!

And that's not all!! On another tag (yep -- one pair of shorts, TWO tags) I am informed that "Bamboo draws a fortunate, mystical & prosperous energy from the earth."

My underpants are filled with mystical energy!!! Who knew?!?! (Well, to be honest, that's not the first time I've heard that.)

Furthermore! Among other things, "This bamboo garment also:

"*drifts over skin & glides under clothing"
(Well, this makes me a little nervous. I don't really want my underpants drifting & gliding. I'd prefer them to stay put, thanksverymuch.)


"*breathes well & possesses a mystical sheen"
(I hadn't noticed the mystical sheen, but perhaps I am just unenlightened. Perhaps they will look sheen-ier when they are mystically drifting over my ass.)

I gotta tell ya -- I'm really looking forward to wearing these things. These are, apparently, far and away the most powerful underpants I've ever owned. I fully expect to be able to communicate with animals and channel healing energy (via my butt, I guess -- this will make for very interesting sickbed visits) when I'm wearing them. I'll let you know -- first I have to wash them. I don't care how enlightened my panties are, they get washed before they come in contact with this gal's mystical properties.

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Plum said...

Love it, and strangely one of my posts this will is going to be bamboo-related. I've got a few dresses that have bamboo and Modal (which is beech tree) in them and I really like them.

I like that you don't get "nude" colored garments anymore. I once gave my friend Eva (a no-foolin' princess from Ghana with the most heartstoppingly gorgeous purple-black skin)a band-aid --there was an ugly plantain incident-- and she said completely deadpan "oh great. Flesh tone."

r r s said...

I love bamboo fabrics. They tend to be nice and silky and soft... I don't have any undies made of the stuff, but I do have a shirt or two, and some sheets.

Thumbelina Fashionista said...

LOL!! You are hilarious!

But seriously...are they comfy? I imagine bamboo to be scratchy and au naturel.

StyleSpy said...

Haven't worn the shorts yet, but they are super-soft, so I may become a bamboo-booster myself!

Nini's Style said...

Hi Miss Style Spy,

I didn't know you from Austin.
Loc and I were there this past weekend and had a blast. We went kayaking at Town Lake and swim at Barton Spring pool. Austin is fun and We look forward to come back and visit.
Hope you having a fabulous day.x

Anonymous said...

Omg. Funniest. Post. Ever!!

vee said...

I always read your blog first thing in the morning, and today I spit coffee all over my keyboard because your post was so damn funny! I've been waiting all day to get home so I could tell you.

Thanks for starting my day off with gut-busting laughter!

dana said...

so, do tell re. the pants.

Sister Wolf said...

I'm completely turned on!

soubriquet said...

I've not got bamboo undies, but I do have bamboo towels.
I'm not so keen on the infestation of giant pandas in my bathroom though.