Sunday, August 30, 2009

Mystic Underpants Update

So I wore my mystical underwear today, and the answer to the big question on everybody's mind is (::insert drumroll here::),


What? What do you mean you haven't spent all your free time in the last week wondering about my underpants? Hasn't everyone??

Well, in case you haven't, last weekend I bought a pair of Jockey Naturals Bamboo Boyshorts in a quest for a nice pair of drawers that I could wear under a couple of knit dresses that are tricky in the panty line department. Today I gave 'em a tryout under this dress:

(Like I said last week, we're running out of time to rock our white dresses -- smoke 'em if ya got 'em, ladies!)

I dressed it down with flat sandals and a denim jacket to run some errands (why does it have to be SO DAMN COLD in Costco???) and thought this would be a good opportunity for a trial run.

First off -- they are really soft. They are super-duper soft and they feel really good on. Also, the color is good -- mine are a nude color called "Warm Quartz" and they completely disappeared under the white dress. And when they first went on they were perfect -- the leg opening was low enough that there was no panty line evident and the waistband lay perfectly flat.


After I'd walked around for a bit (actually, by the time I'd gotten downstairs to my car), they'd already begun to ride up; and after I got into the car it was all over but the shouting. (There was no actual shouting, of course, but there definitely was the ol' underwear Hitchhiker Maneuver with the hooked thumb. You know what I mean, don't pretend you don't.)

Unfortunately, while the fit of the shorts is really good from side to side

they're not long enough from top to bottom

and so there is some serious, um... well, the tag promised "drifting" and "gliding," and let's just say they lived up to their word. (Although "scootching" and "creeping" may have been more accurate verbs.) The big dichotomy with the boy short is that the thing about them that is great -- the fact that there's no tight elastic around the leg opening that creates a panty line -- is also the thing that is a problem -- there's no tight elastic around the leg opening to keep it from traveling northward.

I always have this problem with boy shorts. (And yet I continue to buy them -- hope springs eternal!) Some of it is my semi-freakishly long rise, and some of it is my overly generous booty. Maybe if I bought a size up it would be better, but it seems like the size increase in most pants (even underpants) only increases the girth of the garment, not usually the rise. Although, honestly, I don't know who these work on. I mean, I'm not exactly the tiniest elf in the forest or anything, but still... Seems like you'd have to have a pretty compact package for these to contain all your goodies. Anyone out there a fan of the boy short? If so, speak up & tell me which ones you're getting that don't go spelunking when you walk in them.

The verdict? Like I said, these things are cuddly-soft and comfy, so I'm very likely to scoop up some more in a different style, like a regular bikini, and I'm also really liking the idea of one of the camisoles in the nude color because that would completely disappear under a sheer blouse, I think. But these boy shorts are going to be at-home-alone wear. Soft & comfy for lounging, and if I have to do The Hitchhiker... well, let's just say Shine's seen worse.

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L said...

These are not attractive by any stretch of the imagination, but have you tried the long legged panty? You can get them without all the "suction"....errr, I mean control.

Anonymous said...

Hanky Panky--you get rid of the panty line and no flossing (you know what I mean). It's the only brand I wear.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I wore boy shorts on a fairly regular basis trying to avoid the thong, but I finally had to relent. My ass would always start trying to eat the boy shorts after less than a block of walking (OM NOM NOM), so I ended up with VPL anyway.

I've been getting St. Eve thongs from Nordstrom Rack (the funny thing about their logo is that it's low-contrast and all lower case so it kinda looks like my panties say "steve") and while they took some getting used to, they're the best solution I've found for wearing under form-fitting pants or light-colored dresses.

dana said...

Mom always swore by granny panties. You know, from your waist all the way down, straight across the top of your thigh. Highly unattractive, but we're talking UNDERwear, people.

I can also think of worse fashion faux pas than the vpl. I mean, as long as it's not blatant.

dana said...

and, dayum! You look great in that white dress!

Kristen said...

I have been searching for the right boy pant to wear under similar dresses, with no success yet. I might check out Hanky Panky now...

charmaine said...

I buy boy shorts from this British store: Marks & Spencer. They have really good cotton-y stuff.

Robo said...

There are these Maidenform boy shorts that I totally love and are the only ones I wear. I stocked up on them from Costco, but sadly haven't seen them anywhere recently. They're not cotton, but in a way that's good because pants/skirts/dresses just glide over them. No clinging, no VPL, no riding up. If I find them somewhere, I'll post a link.