Boom-Chicka-Bow-Wow

Quick! What's the difference between these two shoes:




Near as I can tell? About $700.

Oh, they're everywhere. The lucite shoes. All the cool kids are wearing them. (Well, the cool kids who can afford to drop 700 bucks on shoes, anyway.) And more are coming, evidently. Some of my favorite lines -- McQueen, Lanvin, even Pucci -- are showing shoes with see-through heels. But I just can't get behind it. Maybe it's my age or my deep-seated bourgeois tendencies, but for me, acrylic platforms = pole dancer. Always and forever.

I don't want to look like a pole dancer. Ever. Not even for pretend while I'm working out. But suddenly, people whose opinions I usually trust implicitly, like Alber Elbaz, are telling me I should. Alber!! Seriously! What's come over you? I mean, I expect this sort of thing from Gucci and Versace, but from my adorable little bow tie-wearing teddy bear?






It's like I don't even know you anymore!












I suppose some of them are kind of cool:

Dolce & Gabbana

And these, I have to admit, are quite beautiful

Alexander McQueen

But I'm not sure they'll ever be cool or beautiful enough to rid me of the specter of these:

My eyes!! My eyes!!!!

Or these:

(God in heaven, they LIGHT UP!! Although not reliably, according to the reviews. You may want to keep searching for a higher-grade product to fulfill your lighted-see-through-platform shoe needs.)

I just don't know... Am I wrong?

Tell me what you think.

Photos: Style.com, Luisaviaroma.com, Shoebuy.com